I’ve been getting comments, calls, text asking when I’m gonna post some stories… Here’s the thing though I have none. This is nothing against any of those people but every-time I read those I just feel more and more pressured. I’m gonna be straight up honest for a second. The first day I walked in that school God was the LAST thing on my mind. I was more worried about whether I’m going to be popular like I was at home or whether or not I’ll make a new friend, I wasn’t worried about if I’d show anyone the love of Christ. Since I’ve moved here I’ve felt so far from God, and it sucks even worse when people are like “Ohh man T-Barry would never stray from God.” People expect things so highly from me and I really do appreciate that because it shows me you guys believe in me but sometimes I feel like no one understands how I feel. Yeah I’ve made tons of new friends, life’s been fine and dandy but I don’t know if any of those friends understand any of the ways I feel. I’ve felt like there is no one there, that God himself has turned his back. I know he hasn’t but it just gets so hard. I wrote a poem on it and I guess I’ll post that to give you an idea.
It’s hard when you walk in those tall scary doors
Those big red pieces of wood that open up to a new world
A place where you just don’t feel right
You feel like you don’t belong
You’re not like everyone else
You’re like that wrong note in a song
You remember how it was and how it used to be
The friends, the memories, the popularity
But now I’m in a place where I feel all alone
Like a dog whose strayed to far from home
I walk in a place where only few know my name
and because everyday I don’t dress the same
they think I’m lame
It so easy to be rejected when there are people there to back you up
but now that I’m all alone I feel so stuck
like I’m in a hole that keeps getting deeper
like climbing a hill that only seems to get steeper
“home is where the heart is” it’s so cliche
but home is what keeps me standing everyday
these feelings have kept me down, and I’ve basically got the Jonah effect. God sends me to a place that I didn’t want to go to so now I’m mad and I’m just going to keep it to myself. But I’ve been getting smoked alot lately and things are getting better so hopefully soon I’ll have stories. but for now I’m sorry I’ve let everyone down just understand that it’s not easy just because you have God on your side. I start to realize more and more it’s a test and it’ll all be over soon. So like I said I’m sorry this isn’t the post you were expecting but it’s the post that was needed.
Love you guys,
T-Barry
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Tyler, Don’t be sorry and don’t ever think you let anyone down. God puts us in our deserts to grow. It gets hot and we get very dry and thirsty. Sometimes He takes us out of our familiar, we don’t understand why. Just remember He is the author and finisher of your life, and He does have amazing plans for you. We love you and miss you. Hang in there and please know that you have an army of people here who love you and are praying for you!
Love ya, dawg!
You are not alone first and foremost; I love ya just the way ya r. (smile)
U r being real; keeping it real and knowing what it means, is what makes it so easy to not only see you as “cool” but you define “cool” so it means something really good.
With that let me inform you that Jonah had his moments; remember in the boat before he went over; He told them it was him being chased by God. They he was in, for lack of better wording, his “don’t want to go there stage”. That’s how he ended up in the water, he told the truth to everyone, including himself (accepting it first) then they put him in the water, to drift to the place he needed to be to become the man God was working on all along. It’s not about stories of great work. It’s the daily carrying of our cross, enduring day to day, seeking the face not just the (hand outs) of God.
News flash, you’re growing into a strong man of God for you haven’t lost sight. “Peter (T-B) now that you know who u really r and where u are in your walk. I shall built my Church upon u. U shall be known as my rock”. So I’ll leave u this poem, (you’ve heard it before but it’s a reminder) you rock on my Christian Solider and brother for u never know who is crying out. I too feel your loneness, in a room full of people. Just never lose sight of the prize, kingdom bound you’re a fine racer and your gear is the bomb. (Smile).
I cried out to the Lord; Help me make a difference now
In the world you’ve placed me gone are the familiarities
Safety nets and shoulders to lean upon, chants of encouragement
PASSION PLEASE REPLACE MY TEARS.
PASSION SHOW ME HOW TO RID MY FEARS.
PASSION PREVAIL TO BRIGHTER DAYS
PASSION PREVAIL BEYOND THIS HAZE.
Christ replies YOU ARE MY HEART AND SOUL.
I’LL PROTECT YOU FROM A WORLD THAT CAN BE SO COLD.
I’LL LOVE YOU MORE THAT OTHERS DO GOLD.
FOR YOU THERE IS NO SORROW I WILL NOT TOIL
YOU’LL LOVE ME AND I’LL LOVE YOU BACK.
Lord Where do I go when the passion I lack
My music, my poems, my prayers
They‘ve been the ointment to my wounds.
But yet, my heart still bleeds.
The voids darkness uses to deceive.
Dear God above please rescue me.
Your passion tends to a wounded soul…
So your song I’ll sing when I can’t escape life’s gloom.
And then I heard the SWEETEST MELODY.
MY PASSION SHALL REPLACE YOUR TEARS.
MY PASSION SHALL RID YOUR FEARS.
MY PASSION PREVAILS TO BRIGHTER DAYS
MY PASSION POURS OUT MY GRACE
MY PASSION SHALL LEAD YOU ALL THE WAY
just want you to know that i love you and i wish i could come up there and give you a big hug. Son i hope you know i believe in you and i know God does. i don’t know what to tell you except i’m prayin for you. love ya
Blake left that last comment under my log in, but i feel the same “son”. We miss you and can’t wait to see you again. We’re praying for ya. luv ya doggy…
yo..what up jig… i know what you mean in your blog post… dude i feel it all the time, being real no Christian lingo…dude ur in a good spot, sometimes you gotta know it, and go through it on your own. relying on God isnt always the easiest thing but if you can do it now,when something bigger or harder comes your way… ur already secure cause you been throught it! U will be ok. I love you Bro, u wanna talk u can call me any time day or night 2258062351. I love you and praying for ya
jpbrumfield.com
Jer 29:11